Monday, January 30, 2006

When the Headline Doesn't Sound Right...

...read the story:

Conservatives could face a $1-billion legal penalty

Stephen Harper's new government could face a $1-billion legal penalty after a European aerospace firm filed a claim for damages, citing political interference by the Liberals during the 2004 purchase of naval helicopters.

Is anybody else slightly worried about the nature of that headline? Doesn't it make it sound like the Conservatives did something wrong?




Bad editorial decisions aside for the moment.

In a nutshell, the story says that the new helicopters that Chrétien's Liberals cancelled in 1993 are the ones the Canadian military had again selected as its preferred choice, until "the government [allegedly] reduced the performance criteria" to exclude the EH-101 from possible selection.

So now Agusta-Westland, the maker of the chopper, is suing the people of Canada for $1,001,000,000 in damages and punitive damages.

I think Agusta-Westland is really just looking to scare the new Tory government into re-opening the bid.

Everybody who thinks the Tories need motivation in that direction, say "Aye!"

[cricket chirping]
I Love Funny Politicians

George W. Bush:

On the controversy involving domestic eavesdropping without court apprval, Mr Bush feigned astonishment.

"You know, you can't please some people no matter what you do," he said. "Half the time they say I'm isolated and don't listen. Then when I do listen, they say I need a warrant."

Friday, January 27, 2006

Wow, Has it Started Already?

On Tuesday - the first day after the Conservatives held power in Canada in the preceding 12 years, 3 months, and 30 days - Canadians were informed that the Toronto Stock Exchange had lost a bit of ground.

Shockwaves spread through the nation - it was almost tangible. People who had voted Conservative suddenly collapsed en masse, faces in hands, and cried out to the universe in chorus, "What have we done?" News commentators predicted dark days ahead for the Canadian economy, as investors were "uncertain" about the new Parliament.

Now most of the articles I've seen actually attribute the dip to legitimate stock concerns: Reuters even said "a positive mood following the election of a minority Conservative government on Monday was spoiled by falling energy and gold-mining issues due to lower commodity prices."
On Friday, however, the strong performance of oil futures, gold stocks, and copper boosted the index "up 119.38 points to 11856.81. That was the third record close of the week for the TSX."

And as much as every article I saw on Blue Tuesday had a lot to say about the election, the positive reports we're getting today (shall we call it Transparent Friday?) say absolutely nothing about the new Conservative government because....

























...[wait for it]...

























...because the index went up, not down. Wouldn't want to associate the Conservatives with that, now, would we?

Must the fang-sinking begin so soon? Can't you liberals in the media give Harper & Friends a week of peace before he starts sharing blame for the world's problems with Texas W?

Don't worry, that's rhetorical.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Blue Skies

Monte Solberg, the energetic Conservative MP, has a fun blog.

Two quotes from it over the past few days:


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...It was a gorgeous day and I knew that that hard wind would soon soften to a chinook, and it did. And the pale orange sky soon turned a brilliant blue, a Conservative blue. The days are getting longer and warmer now as the new Conservative era begins.

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It's January and people in Calgary are wearing t-shirts and shorts. Yes, this is what the weather will be like under a Stephen Harper government.


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If they campaigned on that, they'd have swept the Maritimes and the Territories, eh by?
Election Musings

The New Regional Party in Canada


The Liberal Party is now the runt in Canadian politics. They only recently accused the Reform/Alliance/Conservatives of being a regional party, but they themselves are now mostly based in three urban cores. Taking into consideration their smatterings of support on the coasts (20 seats) and the sparsely populated northern regions (11 seats), the “party of the centre” is no longer the party of Central Canada.

If you look at the electoral breakdown map provided by Elections Canada, you’ll see a massive red swath cutting across the top and middle of the country.That’s those 11 seats. In those seats, the Liberal margin of victory was significant in only four (24.7% in Yukon, 12.2% in Churchill, 10.2% in Nipissing-Timiskaming, and 9.5% in Nunavut). The rest were all very close races, with the Liberals winning by less than 5% of the votes. If the Liberals had lost about 3300 votes (total) to the runners-up in those close ridings, the map would look more like this:
[pardon the sloppy-looking image; I’ve never pretended to be a Photoshopper]

Yet even then, the Conservatives would still have a minority of 127, the Liberals 96, and the NDP 33. But looking at the eroded Liberal support across Canada reveals that they have been reduced to occupying the holes of the Blue Donuts around the cities (about 0.01% of Canada's surface area). 69 of the 103 Liberal seats are in big cities in Ontario, Quebec, and BC, and they have 3 seats in Regina and Winnipeg. Who’s a regional party now?

Liberal Leadership

When Paul Martin announced during his concession speech that he was resigning, I slapped my forehead in disbelief. I don’t want him to resign – I think an angry old man in charge of the Liberal Party will do the Conservatives and Canada a lot of good. It’s going to take time to undo the damage the Grits have done to the country – not withstanding whatever good they have admittedly done – and a functional Liberal Party will make it difficult to find that time.

My hope for the new Liberal leader is Allan Rock. He’s an old fashioned Chrétienite, and has an arrogance and bluster that will further break up the Liberals. I’d think he has a good shot at taking the leadership too – the core Liberal base must be frustrated with the incompetence of Martinism.

Spoiling Ballots

One of the many tidbits I picked up during this election was that not only is it illegal to spoil one’s ballot, it’s pointless because nobody notices. Yet the election results do include the number of ballots marked incorrectly. With the simplicity of the Canadian ballot, I find it hard to believe that many people spoil them accidentally.

Here’s an interesting fact: Winnipeg South’s Conservative candidate Rod Bruinooge defeated Liberal veteran Reg Alcock by 111 votes. There were 111 spoiled ballots in Winnipeg South. If those voters who spoiled their ballot voted Liberal it may have spoiled Rod’s victory party.

Although the official count of rejected ballots isn’t fully available as some of the results are still preliminary, an interesting trend emerges with what’s already been counted.

*not all spoiled ballots are yet confirmed; this data is preliminary


You’ll see that of all disenfranchised voters, Albertans are the least disenfranchised. As you move up the scale, it’s plain that when any ballots are spoiled, it’s generally worse in the provinces that vote more to the left. Note that in the above table I’m considering the Conservatives as right, and the Liberals, NDP, and Bloc as left-leaning. I’ve factored out the minor parties from the left/right equartion, mostly because math is hard enough without trying to figure out where a Libertarian, Green, or Independent stands on the spectrum.

Les Têtes du Bloc

The Bloc should hurry up and close up shop already. They’re the ultimate election-promise breakers. One term, remember? Their existence within our national Parliament is so ridiculous that it defies analogy.

But I’ll try.

It’s like a pickle going to a party for cats. There’s no similarity, and no real direct opposition, so what’s the point of it attending? I could understand if a dog wanted to attend, for it would have a real agenda. If a mouse were to be invited, that too would make a bit of sense. But a pickle at a cat party is pointless. Cats don’t like pickles, and pickles are indifferent towards cats.

Of course, the Bloc won’t leave Parliament until it’s “good for Quebec” to do so. Here’s hoping the Conservatives can improve provincial relations enough to cause that condition to be met.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Want an Easy Way Into Canada?

Attention American criminals, or anybody desperately wanting to get into Canada!

There is an easy way in, if you want to avoid the emotional discomfort of this type of conversation:

Canadian Border Guard: "Where ya going to, eh?"
Murder Suspect Fleeing Police: "I'm wanted for murder and need a place to lie low for a bit."
CBG: "Bringing any liquor into the country?"
MSFP: "Only what's already in my system."
CBG: "Any weapons?"
MSFP: "Hell yeah."
CBG: "I'm afraid I can't let you in, eh."
MSFP: "Ok, I guess I'll go turn myself in peacefully."

Most criminals don't want things to go that way. So if you are fleeing police, simply phone ahead and let Canada Border Services know you're coming, and that you're armed and dangerous. They'll leave their posts "if they believe they are in imminent danger" - and who can blame them, for they aren't allowed to carry firearms - so you'll have a clear path through.

That is, if those pesky Yanks don't get in your way (thanks to the unnamed deputy sheriff who stopped them, by the way).

If this had happened a few days ago, we might have had a Conservative majority.

No disrespect to our fine men and women who guard the border - kudos, in fact: it speaks volumes of your bravery that you approach each visitor (a.k.a. potential threat) with no recourse to defend yourself or your country. Here's hoping our new government will give you the tools you need!

h/t Small Dead Animals

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Really, the Government should be Conservative Anyway

Because who's on the right from this unchanging perspective?


Liberals, welcome to the stubby side of the mace!

More cool Parliament pics here:

http://www.parl.gc.ca/Information/Photos/Index-E.htm

Sunday, January 22, 2006

How to Make Paul Martin do Symmetrical "Thumbs Up"


Wow, he's kinda freaky.
Phrases Paul Martin has Said that I Wish Were True

"Let me be perfectly clear." If I could, I would!

"Fundamentally..." I wish you had some fundamentals.

"This election is about values." Ok, so what are yours? Really - what are they? 'Cause I can't tell.


This Just In #2*

Paul Martin's Liberals are making a last ditch effort to voters, with a Conservative win seeming inevitable on Monday.

"We know that Canadians are aware of the imperfections of our party, and that they want to hold us to task for the mistakes of the Chretien government. All indications are pointing to a Liberal Opposition," he acknowledged to a crowd of party faithful in Vancouver Saturday night. "But let me make one thing perfectly clear. My government was not involved in any of those scandals. This is a new era in Canadian politics."

He appealed again to red Tory, NDP, and Green party voters, saying, "Give us one more chance. Even if Canada wishes to hold the Liberal Party to another minority, we'll accept the will of the people. All we ask is for a bit of time to control the House of Commons, to go in and dig through the financial records, and to correct any irregularities we find."

As he said this, several of his aides behind him at the podium looked at each other uncomfortably. One of them approached Martin and whispered something in his ear, but Martin gave him a stern look and he went back to his place.

"Even if you won't give us the honour of forming the government again, we ask for a 1-day mandate to go back to the government offices and straighten out some issues we left behind. After all, we thought we'd be going back anyway when this campaign began. But fundamentally, we will accept the will of Canadian voters, if you allow us one day - even one hour - to go tie up some loose ends."

At this several of his aides attempted to strongarm him away from the podium, but he punched one in the face and kneed another in the groin before they backed down.

"Even if you don't give us an hour - five minutes is all we ask. There are some pressing needs we have to attend to... including removing all the S and H keys from the computer keyboards. But all kidding aside, even thirty seconds should do it. Just enough time to pull some files and shred them, or to log on to the network and delete certain data, that's all we ask."

At that point, a naked man streaked through the audience, wearing a Stephen Harper mask and waving a Conservative flag, shouting, "Vote for me! I'll abolish gay marriage and abortion, I'll institute a draft and send troops to Vietnam, I'll outlaw everything in Leviticus, I'm Stephen Harper!"

Several witnesses identified the man as the same Martin aide who had been silenced earlier.

When the commotion died down and the RCMP had taken the man into custody, Paul Martin had left the podium.

Moral of the story: don't give them a chance to tidy up the books, Canada.