This Just In #4*

In Winnipeg today, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced his government's intention to "raise the age of consent for sexual relations between children and adults from 14 to 16 years of age."

The announcement stunned advocates for more tolerance in relationship definitions, such as the Toronto-based Partnership for Evolving Diversity Organization. PEDO spokesperson Kaitlyn McKenzie, 14, accused the Conservative minority government of discrimination against couples of perennial diversity. Her relationship with partner Richard Smith-Hansen, 53, would be deemed illegal by the change in law.

"I love him!" she stated, "and he loves me! You don't understand me! Nobody understands our love!"

McKenzie's mother Jerilyn was also worried by the pending legislation. "I don't get why this is such a big deal," she said, contacted on her phone while out of province. "Kaitlyn's father found a younger woman many years ago, and apparently he's a lot happier now, the pig. Besides, Richard gives her the attention I don't have time for; he postively dotes on her."

Mr. Smith-Hansen could not be reached for comment himself, as his wife kept answering the phone.