Monday, March 27, 2006

You Just Know That Somebody Tried This

Looking through the manual for my cordless phone, I happened to read the instructions on what to do if it inadvertently gets wet.

Steps include things like removing the battery, leaving it dry for 3 days, letting it charge uninterrupted for 20 hours, etc.

Then there's this gem:

DO NOT use a microwave oven to speed up the drying process. This will cause permanent damage to the handset, base and the microwave oven.

I wanna know who tried it and wrote the company in anger, seeking damages. In fact, I'm gonna write what I think the letter would have read like:

To whom it may concern,

Yesterday my kid dropped my cordless phone, model IMN-1D/10T, in the toilet. It was soaked right through.

It didn't work after that, so's I figgered I could dry it off by poppin' it in the nukebox. Well, it dried up all right, but the plastic cover kinda melted, and the battery juices burned my fingers. I figgered, hell, what the hell?

I left it for a while, and when it had cooled on down, it still didn't work. Then I tried to make some popcorn, but my nukebox wouldn't go on. And it smelled funny too.

I figger the nukebox was worth about $4500, and the phone about $2500, so I'll expect my check for $6000 in the mail tomorrow, or you'll be hearing from my cousin Leroy, who's a high fallootin lawyer for some fancy office building in Wisconsin. He specializes in something like insurance, and I figger since this deal about matches that, he'll get ya scared.


Bucky Wheatgrass

Someone once commented that the overabundance of safety regulations in our society is diluting the collective intelligence of the gene pool, as stupid people who would normally do stupid things are surviving more often. Anybody disagree?

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